The holidays will never get easier without your loved ones. Each year may get more bearable but never easy.
Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. Well, more specifically, Christmas Eve. Every Christmas Eve was set aside for family. We always went to my memas house, my dads mom, and spent time with his family. Some years we ordered pizza, when we did I always ordered a whole order of breadsticks for myself. Others we ordered Bdubs (one year my dad ordered the hottest kind, blazing, and tricked my cousin Kim into eating them without her knowing how hott they were. Let’s just say it was hilarious! My dad loved to play pranks, esp on his family). We’d eat, open gifts, and then just spend quality time with each other. We normally reminisced on funny memories we had as a family or something stupid one another did. Most of those stories shouldn’t be shared publicly but they always made my night! After we left our memas, we always went to look at Christmas lights. This is one of my favorite traditions. And when we got home we each got to open one present! When we were little, me, my brother, and sister all stayed in the same room. I never felt more like a family then on Christmas Eve nights. I knew going to sleep that I was loved by my family. And if all we did was spend time with eachother that day it would be enough. Christmas Day wasn’t as eventful. We’d open presents and my mom would always make cinnamon rolls, either regular or orange icing (I miss that most from Christmas morning). We’d play with our new toys and I’d try on everything my parents got me trying to put on a fashion show.
I remember Christmas being spent with my whole family and I think that’s why it is so hard without them now. Traditions started to fade after my mom passed away. My sister moved and my brother went to college. I realize things change as you get older but it still wasn’t the same for me. I miss being with my brother and sister on Christmas morning. I’m thankful for new traditions and getting to spend Christmas with Johns family and always going to see my bestfriends family on Christmas Day.
This year, things feel more different than ever. I still feel like I should be waking up in my parents house on Christmas morning with my whole family. But I won’t be. This is the first year since we’ve officially sold the home we grew up in. It’s the second year without both of my parents. It’s the second year my brother and sister will wake up their sweet little kids on Christmas morning. Instead of being with family, I’ll be working all day on Christmas Eve. I’m definitely not in the Christmas spirit this year. And I think it will take a few years for me to genuinely enjoy Christmas again.
I pray this Christmas everyone cherishes their family and loved ones. No fighting over pointless things that don’t matter. Forgive and forget. Remember why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.
Mom and dad,
I miss you both so much. More than anyone could ever imagine. I hope you both are creating new Christmas traditions in heaven and lookin over us throughout the holidays because they just aren’t the same without you guys. Merry Christmas to my two angels. I love you both very much ❤️
griefisliketheocean 