Tomorrow will be the first year celebrating fathers days since my dad has passed. Although, it’s not the first year we haven’t celebrated together, this year will be particularly tough. Me and my dads relationship had been rocky during the last few years but that doesn’t change for a second how much he loved me or how much I loved him. He was never the type to celebrate anything. Not his birthday, Christmas, Easter, and especially not Father’s Day. He just wasn’t that type of person. At least he wasn’t after my my mom was gone.
This year has been hard and I have struggled a lot with finding peace. And tomorrow will not be easy because I know this time last year, I could have been with my dad. And now there is no way I can be.
The first year sucks. All the firsts when you lose someone sucks. And there seems to be a first for everything. The first thanksgiving and Christmas, the first birthdays, the first time you realize it’s real and not a dream, the first time you’re asked about it in public, the list goes on and on. It’s just hard.
With all that said, I’ve been trying really hard to remember some of the best memories with my dad. My mind usually likes to block out a lot of the good memories in my life, so this is why I say I’ve been trying really hard. So I’m going to tell you some of the things I treasure most about my dad.
My dad was a great cook! And when I say great, I mean it. There weren’t many meals he made that I didn’t eat. I even ate his steak when he cooked it (and I hate steak!) but his beef stroganoff and hamburger steak were by far my favorites. He also had a pig cooker. And although it took me while to try it…because I couldn’t get over the fact that a whole pig was on a cooker at my house….it turned out to be the best thing I’d ever had. Those things I miss a lot. We had all the same favorite places to eat. He’d get home from work and I’d get home from school about the same time. And as soon as I walked in, we’d turn around and go get bojangles, no 1 Resturant, or pizza for dinner. All three of those happened every week. He used to go to sleep so early. And that must be where I get it from. He’d first fall asleep on the recliner and then he’d come check on me in my room about 7pm to tell me he was going to sleep. When we were little, my mom and sister used to have date nights. So on those nights, my dad would lay out the sleeping bags and my brother and me would sleep in the living room with my dad all night and just watch tv. These were my favorite nights! I was pretty scared of my dad when I was little, because he was the one that would give us spankings. And even though most of the time it was because I was trying to get my brother in trouble, I got a few of my own too. One time my brother and I were getting yelled at by my dad and as soon as he walked out of the room we started laughing……but unfortunately, he heard us. Let’s just say we made sure he never heard us laugh after we got in trouble again! But my favorite time spent with my dad was at the beach. We used to have a condo at a peppertree, a resort in Atlantic beach. We’d go for a whole week every year. This was my favorite because my whole family was together. I remember following my dad around everywhere. I’d go ride around with him early in the morning (bc we were always the only two awake). We’d swim together! I always tried to race him and he always called me a fish because I never wanted to come out of the water. The beach was definitely my favorite time with my dad. He was a different person at the beach. Happier, carefree, playful.
My dad and I didn’t have a picture perfect relationship. We all have family drama. We all have significant things happen inside our families. But I will always be my daddy’s little girl.
griefisliketheocean 